things i miss

just in case you're wondering, my adventures are spectacular.
i can't help but be in awe of all that is happening. as much as i LOVE what i'm doing, i can't help but compile a list of things i miss...and it's not often i get to confess it...so here goes:

• i missed fall. the closest thing i got to fall leaves was the envelope of leaves that bob's mom sent us in a mail packet-they were brown by the time they got there
• dakota-my other washburn. i love that guitar
• having the time to watch a sunset
• silence
• my computer-it's only purpose right now is a weight in my backpack-it's broke. i'm sad
• uploading pictures to faceook (?)...i like to tell stories in pictures. that's not happening.
  
• college football-got to watch the first alabama game of the season the other day-that's too many missed games.
  
• star gazing...big time.
• phone dates...
• i miss being able to encourage my friends all the time-via sending them notes/cards, lots of mail, or just calling/texting them often. so if you read this, know that i miss you.
• oh...last one. i miss not having to make decisions and schedules-what ever happened to spontaneous decision making and living by the seat of your pants?
  

that's a long enough list. know that in light of it all, i feel a much higher calling to be here living for Christ and doing His work. i'm already starting to wonder about next year...and i'm just hoping for the Lord's perfect plan to be revealed. i'm also getting more and more pumped for india. i know it'll be incredible. love from nebraska.

thanksgiving in april?

so im sitting here on the couch in april sort of thinking what happened today? no really!?
-awaken by texts for office party pizza
-time spent in the office
-pizza party picnic puppet show planned para picnictables with peggy extravaganza. yep, all of that happened in an afternoon (and felt completely normal)
-steaks on the grill (last night was steaks over the fire pit---heaven!)
and a turkey. yes, a turkey. on camp. in the schroeder's yard. for a long time. celine got super close and took pictures. and we all laughed and took videos.
the jank boys probably spent 15 minutes chasing it in my yard-trying to get me to let it go inside the house
and i ended up looking on as the schroeders fed it.
as celine and i were walking back to the office she said something to the extent of "see, this is why when people ask 'so, what did you do today?' i have a hard time answering them."
i couldn't agree more. camp life is beautiful, special, unique and unlike anything else. it's perfect. so happy thanksgiving in april from camp lutherhaven. it's true-i've got so much (x13) to be thankful for!

a big day

3.28.09 (happy birthday mom!)

as i look back on my yesterday (3.27.09), i can't believe it all happened in one day. i know a lot of my days at camp can be that way. ah-it's good. i'll precedent all these stories by saying that even today a number of people have asked me how i'm doing (the common question when greeting people) and all i can seem to do is smile and say "i'm doing really really good!...thanks for asking!"



yesterday celine and i got up early for yet another chapel visit-portage michigan. we saw a beautiful sunrise on the way there and since we were driving through nappanee and all the "amishvilles" of northern indiana, i was totally distracted by all the horses that seemed to be in every pasture we passed-i loved it.

it was an ipod day so celine brought hers and put it on shuffle songs for us to listen to...which involved lots of singing, interpretive dancing, and of course 'days of elijah' as the sun was rising. we were in a great mood by the time we got there. it was a neat school we hadn't been to in a while so it was neat to see that connection being re-established between two ministries. the kids were enjoyable and one of the teachers even hugged me on her way out...i was surprised, but loved it!

on the way back we stopped at not one, but two gas stations (the bathroom was being cleaned at the first one-gah) and also at a dollar general and a good will...can i just say, goodwills are ALWAYS exciting (that was for you amykuhn). amy-i shopped for summer stuff-it wasn't the same without you, but i got some good stuff.



it took turning around a couple times, but we also got pictures of celine on the side of the road with the statue of liberty and a lion (it couldn't slinky!) and another picture of a lion who was "pounding it" (you rock, dude). and don't forget the life-sized plastic horse in somebody's front yard.



last but not least we listened to tangled blue on the way home and recorded a video for joel and aimee to their song "Jesus Christ is Risen today" with some fun interpretations of us not singing the alleluias (it's lent).



all that in the morning and we were still back to camp by 1pm! so much still lied ahead. the scrapbookers were at camp so i spent some time tending to their needs (like cleaning out lights-woo). i had checked my email upon return from our visit, but within an hour of that, i happened to go back and check it again...i had 2 new emails from mary bull at youth encounter. one of them saying i'll be receiving a packet with a letter of call to be on "rainbow of promise," youth encounter's international team that travels to india and nepal!

...i had 2 initial responses..."go tell everyone" and "go run away into the woods and pray!" not many people knew i was going through the applicatoin process because i wasn't entirely sure of it myself, but after applying i told sarah and some other people. i half jokingly told sarah that she should be the first to know since she's in asia of all places...but i couldn't help but think that i should tell her...so naturally, i got online and asked matt if he knew when she might be back on-but he didn't. i sort of left him in suspense by saying something like "i've got news for both of you" and then left. i spent a lot of time on a bench at the top of the hill by the lake...thinking, journaling, praying, and reading my Bible. i'm glad i took the time to get away. not long after that time, i went back to the office, sat on celine's floor and proceeded to distract her from her work with my news. her first response was "you can take your drum!" (we're going to a drum making workshop this weekend) and her second response was "we should shout it to the rooftop!"...i thought she said 'from the rooftop' so i was a little nervous as she opened her window...turns out tim was on the roof! so we shouted it up to him, which was all sort of crazy. but fun.
i walked over to the schroeders trying to find don (who was also one of my references). i ended up telling peggy...and soon after that don was home so i told him and emma. erin was visiting and celine was going to make navajo tacos over the fire pit so i was invited to join. when i walked into celine's house, i heard erin's voice shout "what's your news!?" so i proceded to tell her as well (way to be an instigator, celine). it was a fun evening of making navajo tacos over the fire pit. i kept my computer with me tho and was able to share my news with matt. before i told him which team it was he said "i hope it's not india"...because of all the unrest the country is experiencing...but we'll see how it goes. after enjoying navajo tacos and fry bread (mmmmm) we went back to celine's house to get the makings of banana boats (banana, chocolate, peanut butter, and marshmallows) and apple creations (a cored apple, cinnamon, brown sugar, and butter) and enjoyed making our 'fire desserts.' i got to upload/enjoy the picutres/videos from the day to my computer, and pass on a message with kristine that i wanted to talk to sarah. after a long night of fire fun and fellowship, i went to bed.
i was awoken at about 2am by my computer ringing. it said kristine was calling me...which was just weird. and since i was disoriented, i hung up on it. alas, she called again. through my sleepy eyes (without glasses) i came to and answered...and realized it was sarah. i finally started putting two and two together. it was exciting. i don't even remember much of the conversation, but it was good. i remember sharing my news once i became less disoriented and i remember people in the background being excited...so thanks, new dawn! it was great.
today i started telling some other people and tried to get ahold of my family to let them know-but it's hard because i'm stuck here at camp hosting. it's all exciting...still don't know what to think of it...almost doesn't feel real!

romans 12

circles.

i don't think i can even begin to describe the circles i've made. there are so many details to each of them. in my mind i see this map of the country...places i've been, places i've come back to...just when it seems like one is complete, something new starts...in many ways i'm waiting for something new to start...and i'm at the brink of it all...we'll see.

• i grew up and went to school in decatur, in. i moved when i was 12. today, march 26, 2009 at the age of 23 (almost 12yrs later) i set foot in my elementary school. so many teachers were still the same and names of people in my family were all over the walls...i was back.
• while living in indiana, i grew up going to camp lutherhaven. it quickly became one of my all time favorite places. so much happened for me, and i grew so much in my faith. i applied to be on summer staff in 2006, but God had other plans. now i sit here living and working at camp lutherhaven as the ministry impact worker-one of the craziest things for me coming back was re-living all those childhood memories...and getting to experience this camp in a whole new way---completing the circle, if you will.
• on that same note, not long after i moved away from indiana, i started to tell myself id never come back...i loved life down south...here i am-completing another circle.
• in the summer of 2006 i was called to be a counselor/assistant wrangler at shepherd's hill at the crossroads-a nloma camp in north dakota-i knew nothing about it and it wasn't really 'my plan.' i went there and learned SO much. about horses, about work, about myself, about kids, about God...the list goes on and on. i pretty much decided in 2007 that i wouldn't be going back to ND...i'm pretty sure God laughed at me at that moment because by coming full circle and coming back to Lutherhaven, i also completed another circle by going back to shcr in february to work the nloma conference...i got to see those people, see the horses, and re-experience the whole camp. it was a lot to process.
• in 2007 i applied and took a job at camp lakeview in indiana as a counselor. being couneslor of shawnee in 2007 and getting to meet and work with the staff was possibly one of the greatest things of my life. because of my summer in 2006 and my time in 2007, i was called (and equipped) to be a wrangler in 2008...whoa.
• now, here i am, compiling all my camp experience...being a camper inspired me to be on staff. staff at shcr enabled me to be on staff at lakeview. my lakeview experiences sparked an interest/desire in year round ministry. a taste of year-round ministry as sparked an interest for program work...and here i am, completing another circle and committed to spending may-august 2009 as lakeview's assistant program director..

the best part is...i'm closing another circle...which means a new one has to start...and i have no clue what that is.

this is the short, brief version of my life of circles. to think about it all is overwhelming and constantly going through my head...ask me about it sometime.

where i'm at

so...be careful what you wish for.
in the same ways of so many of my friends, i'm in this point in my life where i'm genuinely trying to figure out " what's next?" first off, i love my job here at camp lutherhaven. sometimes i wish it was full time and long term. but i also know that there's not much room for growth in this position-it's more like an internship.
as i explore the future God is laying lots on my heart, and to be quite honest, i don't think i always know how to deal with it. right now i've got three big things i'm considering and i can't even believe they are possibilities!
i've applied and interviewed with youth encounter. wow. can't believe i just typed that. it's something that has been ever present before me, and something i'm genuinely excited about the more i think about it, i just have no clue if it will actually happen or not. those of you unfortunate enough to hear me sing know why. but i'm passionate about traveling, ministry, and excited that there could be room for lots of musical growth. i'm still in the process with that. with the idea of youth encounter comes the idea of "well, what would i do for 3 months until it started up (if it happened?)"...never thought id say it, but perhaps camp? i can't deny that camp ministry is where my heart is and that it could be an incredible summer of growth and contributing to youth ministry in a different way considering the perspective i've gained through this position.

enter option 2: within the past year sometime my mom put a spanish couple and their family on a flight and got his contact information. somehow through it all, i'm emailing back and forth with his wife about an au par position in SPAIN! i would get to use my degree AND work with kids...unbelieveable. their friends have a 5yr old, a 3yr old, and another baby on the way. they like to go to their apartment on the beach in august and would want me to go along...that'd just be horrible, right? but just like the ye thing, i'm still in the communication stages

enter option 3: i've been invited to visit honduras. it's an organization called world gospel outreach http://www.wgoreach.org/ they equip people to be teachers, doctors, missionaries and so much more to the poor and desperate of tegucigalpa, honduras. there are half-way homes in which young people experience assisted living so that they can be prepared to work and support themselves, medical facilities from which everyone hears the gospel before leaving, and direct education classrooms. the list of possibilities with this organization is endless. they've invited me to come visit for a week-spending a couple days in each of the various areas. people who volunteer for a week for missions pay over a thousand dollars for a similiar week-i could go for under 300, including airfare. they know just a few things about me, but are already interested in how i would fit in with the community and want to see where they could see me working. i think they might be desperate, but what an incredible opportunity!

my mom told me in a very heartfelt way that she feels sorry for me because i have so much to choose from. my heart is really feeling pulled in that many different directions. i just want this to be about God and how He would use me for His ministry. sigh. there's something big out there waiting...

will play for applications

just a fun way to sum up the last week or two...
a week ago i was staying up late and waking up early...all for the women's retreat...in light of things, i didn't have many repsonsibilities, but still had tons on my plate! before i knew it 130 women (including my mom) were on camp and the tears and hormones were escalated by "prizes for best urinal use"...so funny!
i got to help out with the praise and worship stuff which was by far the highlight of my weekend and unlike any experience i've ever had. i loved it. now that i've gotten my "rock star ego" out of the way, i'm hoping God will continue to present me with more opportunities like it
monday and outdoor ed came too quickly...along with a kid who fell through the ice (i've never run so fast in my entire existence)...no worries, he was okay. my adrenaline however, has never been so high! monday also brought an adventure into ft wayne to see becky who would be moving to connecticuit on wed. food, dessert, laughter, and cards...and i didn't get to bed til 3am. my alarm went off at 6am to begin the roadtrip adventure! valpo and cuc.
not gonna lie-valpo was a long day. but seeing kids genuinely excited about working at camp ignited that for me. and i got to see jen!
cuc=seeing lots of people i love and miss already...combined with an evening of sub T's and glow in the dark putt putt (thanks ben and kiki) and simply great opportunities to get to talk witk kiki!
thursday brought some less intense recruiting-and by then i was sick if the intro to the nloma promo video (i will call upon the Lord). we were throwing yo yos at people as the walked by and playing the 12 string which had a sign in it's case "will play for applications"...not certain we got any by that method...but i did get about 10 small children to stop and sing with me. it was the highlight of my trip. they were so precious and before i knew it, they were on their way...
add on some more hugs and a trip for chicago style pizza...a drive by of the navy pier and we were home to lutherhaven where we stopped to look at the stars and thank God for a safe journey.
now begins the process of praying over all the applications and seeing what happens next. both in their lives and in mine!

lansing-correctional facility?

today our chapel visit journeys took us out of the state for the first time...lansing, michigan.
our savior lutheran church was formerly located on w holmes road, which is where our directions led us.
the first time we drove past and celine said "i think that's it" but we kept going because there was no sign. after turning around several times, we decided to stop and see if it wasn't it, but the sign was just gone. we went in only to find a security guard and an x-ray belt/metal detector...is this "our savior?"...the obvious response was "no, they moved..." all the guard was able to tell us was that it was further down the road. we made our way in the right direction while calling for directions-only to find out that the 7000 addressed didn't necessarily exist between the 6000 addresses and 8000 addresses. after turning around at least 3 times again, we called to get a response of "oh! the numbers don't go in order!" ha. we scooted into our savior lutheran with mere minutes to spare. the little kid who i got to volunteer to eat an "abundance of cookies" wasn't hungry. haha. the bew building that the church and school are in is awe-inspiring and beautiful. it has wood carvings in the foyer and sanctuary that were hand crafted by congregation members alongside a mass series of breath-taking stain glass windows that tell 30+ different stories from the old/new testament. i only wish we could have had more time to take them in.
lastly, we saw the 1st graders preparing to lead chapel the next week. it was simply beautiful. the ride home entailed a stop at biggby coffee and a stop to buy 15 brooms at dollar general (if you've never checked out a mass quantity of brooms, you should try it!).

lutherhaven lady

last night i was at the monday night service at church. the good news is that my phone was practically dead. i had talked to a couple people on my way into town then called my dad and another friend while leaving. as i was walking out the door, my phone shut off, so i turned around to walk in, find an outlet, plug my phone in, and at least return the call to apologize for my phone dying. as i was walking down the hall i passed a girl who showed me a cup of peppers "look, it's a lot of peppers..." haha. i agreed. it was. then i hear, "hey, it's that lady from lutherhaven!" i just turned around and said "hi girls..." and after a slight pause "where do you know me from?" they told me i came to their school, so i aske which one...but as i asked, i realized we had only been to ONE ft wayne school for a chapel visit thus far. what are the odds, right? they said emmaus and i smiled, ended the conversation with them and carried on. but i kept thinking about it. the visit to emmaus, while great and grand, was crazy. it was actually an assembly and i spent the whole time setting up the sound/video stuff. i didn't interact with the kids hardly at all...celine did. i was just in the background setting things up. but they remembered. mmmm never underestimate the imprint you have on a kid's mind...
oh, and the best part...i wore a lakeview shirt to church last night. figures, right?

box of abundance

the past two days have been back to back chapel visits-both with 2hr delays-so much fun to experience the excitement of "delayed school" agian!
wednesday was an assembly at emmaus in ft wayne. while "waiting our turn" celine and i could hear the kids singing the tedaum le damus (sp?) and saying the morning prayer-so neat that some places haven't lost sight of the good ole lutheran traditions.
with those kids we had an assembly and took them through a "day of camp" where there was one kid gladly acted out polar bear, kissing the moose, capture the flag and other great things! we sang "so much" with the kids, and i think every one of the teachers was "thanking us" as we left since their kids were all still singing the songs! they got so excited about the actions-it was so fun

thursday was kendallville indiana-st. john church and school-where some of the camp kids actually go (guess who raised their hand when we asked if anybody had been to camp before...ha!). the chapel was set up so we were like rockstars...although we didn't use them, there were big speakers and drum sets, bass guitars and tambourines all around. celine each and i had our own mics and we had our guitars stands...i know it wasn't much, but i felt like a rock star. i'm fairly certain that the kids laughed at every single picture in the camp promo video, even if it wasn't a funny picture, and these kids were genuinely excited about camp!
our skit/message based off of john 10:10 (our summer theme verse) allowed me to pull 3 kids up and give them crayons, water, and cookies. just one of each the first time, several more the second time, and then an ABUNDANCE the 3rd time. more than they'd know what to do with...jut like God's love is abounding in our lives. all around, it was just a good time. i love the chapel visits and i'm so excited to do more and see more kids!
...rainbows next to sunshines on snowy days and whistle stop pizza helps too : )

may you find yourself abundantly blessed by God's love today

kokomo

january 7th 2008
marks the first of the many chapel visits to be made by celine and me in preparation for the summer!
i had some ideas of what to expect but in the end was amazed by it all
we loaded stuff in the van and i even did a "double check" to make sure we had everything important...we had everything EXCEPT my purse (including my cell phone that doesn't get reception at camp)
beginning with a prayer, we were on our way.
our journey took us all the way to kokomo, in.
we were to lead the chapel service for one of the lutheran elementary schools there.
i loved seeing all the little po-dunct places on the way, including one indiana town renowned for it's circus-ing training and shows...crazy!
the school and the kids were precious and the pastor was wonderfully welcoming.
when introducing us, the pastor said we were from camp lakeview, and i just laughed!
there were lots of little voices who struggled to read some of the bigger words on the hand out and tugged big time on my heart
i got an ABUNDANCE of crayons in a skit (loved hearing the kids laugh)
then there were the songs...so much (x13), Lord i lift Your name on high, and 2 songs id never sang/played before.
i even loved the times when i stopped playing guitar completely and just stood there wondering what was going on and what part of the song we were in. i even loved that...
the kids doing actions (even when they couldn't remember the words) was precious.
we showed my dvd of summer camp (proud moment, even if it still needs more work) and it was so fun to hear the kids laugh and gasp at pictures. they also had great questions about camp!
another part i loved was simply being in kokomo. we tried to take the "scenic route" to downtown kokomo and find somewhere authentic to eat lunch-ned's pub. celine and i loved it-dark dreary light, shuffleboard, beer wallpaper...duh. and great burgers! i loved getting to see a new place and experience something new...reminded me of how much i loved to travel.
we decided to take pictures and document the chapel season-since we were unprepared, celine took a picture of the kokomo water tower with her cell phone...as we left lunch all i could say was "doesn't FEEL like kokomo!" too bad we really can't do chapel visits in the carribbean!

the only downfall to it all is that i didn't have my phone and all my new dawn friends were leaving for asia the next day. when i went to town (unplanned) this evening, i had a plethora of messages that broke my heart "i thought i'd catch you...i'll keep trying" and similiar repeats of those messages...i also had messages on my computer only edifying that i'd missed another chance to talk...just reminds me i need to have more faith in the prayers im sending up for all of them.

anticipation

girls at new year's

new year's

tim getting his desk as a present from brianne, laura, and i

above: my dad playing rock band with the kids below: my cousin jessica with the elves

i was looking so forward to this break...my first break from life, not from classes. it wasn't 4 weeks long, but a mere week. it was perfect. i knew i needed it and i was looking forward to it in incredible ways. i got to:

-spend 6hrs and 40min driving to indy (yay ice storms)

-drive back to decatur less than 24hrs later

-spend christmas eve at my uncles' house and see my cousin jessica dress up as santa

-wake up christmas morning to mimosas and spend the day watching "white christmas" 3 times with an 85yr old woman who is probably living her last christmas but will have no recollection of it because of her alzheimers.

-a random short term reunion with matt and sarah-time i now realize that we wouldn't have had for just the 3 of us if we hadn't squeezed it in. we played games with cathy and watched white christmas (again!?) and saw a spectacular light show. we even used the ready-made mixer! neither sarah nor i cried-which matt was quick to point out. it was good to be reunited and pray together.

-have a much more low key christmas than years past-the presents are less and despite the tears and accidental words, it was worth it.

-spend christmas at my dad's house with no presents at all...just a day filled of wii and rock band and good food-it was non-stop fun.

-dad's side of the family christmas-seeing my family, although they are each struggling through different things, yet got to be sarcasticaly blunt with each of them (and then try to tame my tongue for later!)

-spend a night catching up with sarah before we were both consumed by reunions and more family business

-kidnap brianne from the airport : )...we tried to take her to coldstone, but apparently, it's not open at 10am.

-random reunion at taco bell...yay for spilling an entire cup of water in sarah's purse...and i was only trying to pray!...but ended up causing a major scene at taco bell-one of the other customers told me i was having WAY too much fun. woops.

-lakeview reunion...complete with the mustard yellow dress, wrapping tim's posessions (and his entire desk), many many hugs, broken couches, great white elephant gifts, the couch game, more than an entire octave of "i will call upon the Lord," falling asleep in a love nest watching elf, GREAT photo documentation of everything, and goodbyes that were too hard to think about or say

-a return to lutherhaven which entailed preparation for the greatest new year's i could have asked for, my first official visitor (my twin!), and a youth group that came in on charter buses and had giant inflatible balls to walk around inside of, 4-square courts, and the ability to remember my name and randomly greet me in passing : )

-the best new year's ever...stuffed shells, funfetti cake, franc and corban, euchre, apples to apples, stupid shows on tv, a full love couch, welch's grape juice in plastic champagne flutes, and more love from friends than the tan cabin had ever seen.

-the hardest goodbye i think i'll ever make. 3 of the best friends i could ask for. they are in the top 5 of my lifetime. and they are all gone now. the anticipation almost killed me, and now the goodbye has done the same. as they left, i was gently reminded amidst my tears (i'll be honest-i cried) that each of them has a calling from God in their lives that they cannont fulfill if i don't let them go. i know God's got a firm grip on them and on our friendships and that they won't go anywhere that my prayers cannot follow.

so until i get to see them again, the anticipation will start to grow all over again.